'Glee'-cap: "Child Star"

Raina Deerwater ‘16 / Emertainment Monthly Staff Writer

In the sea of gay weddings and rampant offensiveness, apparently there were supposed to be new characters on this show? And we were supposed to care about them? Here’s the thing, we don’t. They are boring. One of them is named Roderick; how in any conceivable way can we be invested in someone named Roderick?
The whole point of this episode was to show that Rachel (Lea Michele), Shue (Matthew Morrison), and the audience Glee thinks it has to show the glee club that they care. Even though no one does care. At all. Cause these people are boring. We are not going to root for Spencer (Marshall Williams) the gay football player to seduce a ukulele playing, beanie wearing, hobo seeming dude. Maybe we would if Spencer was more than a cardboard cutout with good biceps and a bad singing voice.
This is summed up best when Rachel tries to pump up the glee club and they are not receptive, because and alumnus is just going to come to steal their thunder. It’s a very good point, because no one gives a crap about these poor innocent bland characters. They are just so lame. But don’t worry, they are about to get lamer.

The actually plot of this episode, which hopefully you caught amidst all the snoring, is that the club has to perform for a terrible terrible child’s Bar Mitzvah. This kid, named Myron Muskovitz (J.J. Totah), is actually a bad person. He has weird sexual dance moves to a bad Destiny’s child cover, yells derogatory things toward women, and at one point poops his pants. It’s a literally and figuratively, a huge mess.
Also, the portrayal of him is vaguely anti-Semitic. Whenever Myron monologues, there is vaguely Jewish music playing in the background, like he is a villain with theme music. Also, do they even know how a Bar Mitzvah works? That it might actually be an important ceremony as opposed to a punchline. Coming from Glee, it all makes sense though. The whole idea of Rachel being Jewish has been a punchline from day one, and just when we thought we were done with all that horribleness her comes good ol’ Myron.

After his thing, that is in no way a Bar Mitzvah, it turns out Myron is joining the glee club. Even though he is 13. And the worst. And this show needs less new characters. The thing we can gather from this episode is basically that no one cares about anyone who came on board after 2010 and we never will. This is called the “reunion season”, not the “here are a bunch of people who don’t have any character traits or redeeming qualities season.”
At least one of the new girls, Jane (Samantha Marie Ware), can really sing. She uptown funked up that bar mitzvah real good. And one of the incest twins is into her. The sad thing is that, it would be a more entertaining episode if there were actually incest. That’s when you know a show has really hit a low point: you pray for despicable crimes because that would make this at least a show that you didn’t fall asleep to.
Overall Episode Grade: D (Or a B for BORING)